


Holding On, Letting Go

by orphan_account



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Graphic Depictions of Illness, Infection, M/M, Plague, Sad Ending, Vomiting, Zombie AU, Zombie Apocalypse, ive kind of given up on this, like if you dont like vomiting dont read, oh and if you didn't notice, sorry - Freeform, they're married
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-21
Updated: 2014-06-22
Packaged: 2018-02-05 13:14:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1819747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The light of the real sun poured through, consuming them, and the outside world greeted them with the promise of new horror. Levi turned and walked towards the blinding white.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Light

**Author's Note:**

> umm basically a zombie au idea i've been throwing around for a while...  
> this will probably be a series with three parts, but this is my initial idea  
> also check out here before you read: http://consensual-sexy-times.tumblr.com/tagged/zombie-au

The alarm clock buzzed at 6:30 like it did every morning, jolting Erwin out of the remnants of sleep. He always thought it sounded like a warning siren.With a sigh Erwin shifted over to wake Levi up. He was still trying to sleep, eyes screwed shut in a mute protest, but when he felt Erwin’s hand against his cheek he opened them.

"G’mornin’," he mumbled, and gave Erwin his sleepy smile. Erwin smiled back, then rolled until he was nudging Levi out of the bed.

"Time to get up".

"I know, I know. Don't rush me," Levi climbed out of the bed then walked to the dresser. "Now come over so I can help you get dressed". Erwin obliged and grabbed his clothes while heading over to Levi. He could dress himself, even with one arm, but he knew Levi liked helping. Levi buttoned up his white dress shirt quickly, then pinned the empty right sleeve to the shoulder. After he smoothed out the wrinkles on Erwin’s chest he stepped back to admire his handiwork.

"There. Now you don’t look like such a mess". He smiled again, but it was forced, more of a wince, and his eyebrows creased with it. Erwin was confused at first, wondering why Levi’s smile was so pained and why there were purple smudges under his eyes. Then he remembered. 

Levi was going outside today.

They said nothing while they got ready for the day. The softly glowing lights in the wall, imitating a window, cast a shadow on Levi’s face and made his skin look pale and gave it a yellow tinge. He looked sick. Levi brushed his fingers against Erwin’s arm and chest and gave him small kisses when they passed each other during their morning routine like everything was normal. Even though nothing was going to be right today.

After Levi got ready and had eaten he would leave the facility, travel in an armoured vehicle, then do his job. He would fight-kill-those who had died but were able to walk again because of the plague. Then he’d work quickly, sawing off samples, whether it be an arm or a leg or most importantly, a head. Those samples would be brought back so Erwin and the others could study them. Very rarely Levi and his team would find survivors and take them to the facility. Most of the time they were infected and were just going to die anyways. When that happened Hanji tried to cheer Erwin up, telling him they would use those people as test subjects and could maybe find a cure before they died.

That hasn't happened yet.

The only thing they’d managed to do was create a chemical that killed the virus in the brain-but only after an infected died. If this ‘cure’ was injected into the deceased’s neck while the virus was dormant it would prevent them from coming back. A proper funeral could be held and the body could be buried since there was no fear of the infection spreading through bite or through the air. It seemed like a small step towards salvation, but Erwin used it as hope and worked harder towards a true cure.   
And the only way they could do that was by sending field researches outside to collect samples.

Levi was ready by now, dressed in the tight, black athletic wear that went under his hazmat suit. He wore his ring, a plain rose gold band (Erwin’s was just gold) on a slim chain around his neck. Rings were not allowed to be worn on fingers when they were outside, they could rip the suit or easily become contaminated. 

Before he walked out of the door Erwin stopped him, his body becoming a barricade. He cupped Levi’s face with his hand and saw the fear in his eyes, the slight trembling in his frame. He should've told Levi to be careful, that he loved him, that he should do his best to return safe, but he didn’t. Instead he leaned down and kissed him. It quickly became a desperate and heated kiss, more tongue than lip with Levi’s hands balled into the front of Erwin’s shirt while his own hand traveled down from Levi’s back to his ass and squeezed. Levi moaned into his mouth and Erwin turned so he could press him against the wall, sucking marks onto Levi’s jaw. Erwin could feel the heat in Levi’s breath on his cheek as he grinded against him, Levi’s hips rocking up to meet his. Erwin licked further down his neck, tasting the metal of his necklace, to Levi’s collar bone.

"Erwin, _ah_ , Erwin…” Levi repeated, like Erwin’s name was a prayer, the only thing stopping today from happening.

A knock at the door shattered the moment, immediately halting their mouths and hands and hips.

"Hey, guys, the mess hall just opened. You better come down if you want to eat," Mike called.

Levi pulled back, breathing hard with his eyes half-closed and his hair a mess. Erwin smoothed the ruffled black mass and saw how noticeable the red marks were on Levi’s neck. They trailed down to his collar bone, red petals on white snow.

"People are going to see those".

"It doesn't matter," Levi shrugged, and opened the door to greet Mike.

***  
Erwin watched through the glass wall as Levi prepared to leave. He had already gone through the disinfectant shower and was now in a sterile room, pulling on his hazmat suit with the rest of his team. It was made differently from Erwin’s, more slim fitting with straps on the chest and thighs to hold weapons at his hips and oxygen tanks on his back. He hooked up the tubes connecting his mask to his oxygen tanks and screwed them in, the tanks turning on with a hiss. Once he had his full suit on he was unrecognizable, his only distinguishable features being his name tag and stature. Levi loaded his gun and placed it into the holster, then turned to the window, looking at Erwin. He raised his hand and pressed it into the glass, eyes locked with Erwin’s. Usually Levi’s eyes were a soft olive-grey, but in this light, behind his mask, they looked dark like steel. His eyes were really the only part of his face Erwin could see, and he could read the fear in them easily, but could also see Levi’s grim determination. He pressed his own hand to the window and their palms touched through the glass.

The door began to open in accompaniment to the the warning siren and a red flashing strobe. The light of the real sun poured through, consuming them, and the outside world greeted them with the promise of new horror. Levi turned and walked towards the blinding white.

Erwin’s hand stayed pressed on the glass.

The door closed.


	2. Rose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These kind of happy memories were now bitter to recall, only reminding Erwin of how good things were before the world went to shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before you read check out http://consensual-sexy-times.tumblr.com/tagged/zombie-au  
> Can you put on a ring with only one arm? Well, Erwin can. What a man.  
> Levi's ring (kind of):http://www.kay.com/images/products/2431/243105400_MV_ZM.jpg

The hissing of the oxygen tank created white noise for Erwin while he worked. It recycled the air, keeping it clean, for Erwin to breathe when he was in his hazmat suit. It tasted stale and made his tongue dry. Erwin hadn't bothered to take a break today and refresh his oxygen tanks. He knew that if he did he would get distracted, think about Levi and...

Erwin shook his head, clearing his thoughts, and went back to storing the tissue samples. It would do no good thinking about what dangers his husband could be facing. Instead he pulled out another petri dish and grabbed a tong, placing a thin strip of flesh inside the dish. Once he was done Moblit would label them and send them to Hanji so they could do DNA testing. Their work in the lab timed perfectly with the outside expeditions, making sure they were never out of samples. It was  long, ardorous work that almost always lead to almost no yield. Erwin sighed, his breath dry from recycled air, and got out another petri dish.

***

By the time Erwin had finished the window lights had dimmed and the clock read 6:20, only 10 minutes until the mess hall opened for dinner. Erwin stepped into the sterile room separating the lab from the rest of the facility, quickly stripping himself from his hazmat suit. He was immediately sprayed with the disinfectant shower, tingling when it hit his skin. Finally Erwin was able to go to the lab's change room and retrieve his belongings in his locker. He pulled on his casual clothes-a plain grey t-shirt and track pants-then picked up his ring. He slipped the simple gold wedding band onto his finger and felt unease settle into his heart. Levi never left his ring behind when he went outside, even when Erwin had asked him to. He had said that wearing the ring gave him another reason to come back. The ring that Erwin had gotten him reminded Levi that no matter what he would come back so he could return it to Erwin.

"At the very least you could sell it, Erwin. You know, after I die". It always scared Erwin when Levi spoke like that, as if his own death was no big deal. He would grab Levi and hug him tight when he did that, then gave Levi empty promises.

"You're not going to die like that, Levi. I won't let that happen". Levi never responded and only stared blankly at the wall until Erwin let him go. 

Erwin could remember what Levi's ring looked like easily, conjuring up images of it in his head. It was the same as Erwin's, just a smooth band with the date of their wedding engraved on the inside (Levi joked about it occasionally, saying they could never forget their anniversary like this). The only difference was that Levi's was a rose gold while Erwin's was plain gold. Erwin had chosen it since pink hue reminded him of when Levi blushed, soft and glowing. When Erwin told Levi this story his cheeks were immediately dusted with pink, proving Erwin's point.

These kind of happy memories were now bitter to recall, only reminding Erwin of how good things were before the world went to shit.

Erwin closed his locker door and headed to the mess hall.

It was fairly busy, peoples murmured conversations becoming a pleasing drone, but the absence of the field researches was evident. Erwin grabbed a full tray and headed to the table Nile sat at with his wife, Marie. Nile had gotten him and his family into the facility with his renowned kinesiology work. Erwin was greeted with small smiles when he sat down, Nile handing him some napkins. 

"Hey, Erwin. I haven't seen you all day, were you working in the lab?"

"Yes, I was. I find work distracts me from..."

An uneasy silence fell over the table, everyone understanding how hard it was. Marie piped in, trying to console Erwin.

"You needn't worry, Levi's a brave son-of-a...um," Marie paused, remembering their eldest daughter,Sophie, was at the table, then corrected herself. "I mean, Levi's so skilled and you know Mike won't let anything happen to him" she finished. Erwin nodded and continued to prod at his mashed potatoes. 

"They've been out longer than usual," he said quietly to the table.

"That's true, but they probably just found some survivors. It always takes them a lot longer when they bring people back," Nile offered. Erwin nodded again. That was true, it was a likely explanation for their delay. But the knot of dread stayed in Erwin’s stomach, the fear of Levi never returning all too real. An even worse fear, Levi coming home in a body bag, flesh bitten and torn with a bullet in his head to stop him from turning into one of those _things_ , caused Erwin to shudder. He ate as most as he could, not wanting to waste the precious resource food.

"Goodnight, Nile, Marie," Erwin murmured when he was finished, gathering his things.

"Wait, Erwin...are you sure you don't want to come over to our apartment for a bit? The kids would be happy to spend some time with you," Nile asked and motioned over to Sophie, who nodded. His hand was placed gently on Erwin's shoulder. Erwin shrugged it off.

"Thank you, but no," Erwin declined softly, "I think I'm just going to read until Levi comes home."

"Alright," Nile said, voice laced with concern. 

Erwin bid them goodbye again and headed to his own apartment. 

Erwin didn't read at all. He simply laid on the bed, arm draped over his stomach, and stared at the ceiling. He did calming breathing exercises like the facility's therapist had taught him to, trying to empty his mind from any worries. It worked for the most part and Erwin felt himself growing drowsy when the buzzer on the phone announced an incoming message. Erwin lept up and nearly ran to the wall to press the button on the speaker.

"Y-yes? This is Erwin Smith."

"We're opening the doors, Erwin," Hanji's voice crackled through the speaker, "they've come back."

Erwin put his shoes on as quickly as he could and bolted to the outside receiving room. Levi had come home - _or maybe he had been torn apart outside-_ a voice whispered in the back of Erwin's head. He only hurried his pace, trying to dismiss those kind of thoughts. The quickest way to find out was to be there when the doors were opened. Erwin travelled as quickly as he could to the glass wall and stood with the others anxiously waiting to see if their loved ones had returned. Erwin touched the window with the tips of his fingers and stared at the door, not blinking when the alarm sounded and the red light flashed. His breath caught in his throat when the door slid open and the black shadow of the night seeped in. The field researches entered, some limping but most trying to escape the outside as quickly as possible. When the doors closed a disinfectant spray poured onto their hazmat suits, getting rid of the threat of the plague. Erwin leaned closer, eyes wide, searching for Levi. He could easily spot Mike, his size a dead giveaway, but there was a smaller figure beside him. They unhooked their mask from their suit and pulled it off to reveal inky black hair and pale skin...Levi's.  _His_ Levi.

Levi turned and saw Erwin, his expression immediately changing. In the harsh lights of the sterile room his eyes were a pale translucent green. They were filled with relief, exhaustion, and something Erwin couldn't name as Levi unsteadily smiled at him. It would only be a few more minutes until they would be reunited. 

When Levi walked into the receiving room Erwin grabbed him and they met in a too-tight, gripping embrace. Erwin buried his nose in Levi's hair and all he could smell was his sweat and the disinfectant spray. It was the best smell Erwin could remember. They hugged for a long time, listening to each other's breathing until they Erwin finally let go.

"Welcome back," he said, and kissed Levi softly.

"Mhm," Levi hummed. He suddenly swayed on the spot, eyelids flickering, and Erwin quickly grabbed his shoulder.

"Levi! Are you alright?"

"Hmm? Oh, yeah, I'm just a bit light headed. It was...a long day...we were out for a while."

"Of course...you were out a lot longer than usual. Let's go to bed." Levi nodded and leaned heavily on Erwin as they made their way to the apartment. Levi was so exhausted he could barely lift his arms, but Erwin didn't mind helping him get ready for bed. Eventually they laid in bed together, legs tangled underneath the sheets. Erwin wanted to talk about the day, but it seemed like his partner had already fallen asleep. Erwin sighed and closed his eyes. 

"How long?"

Erwin looked to see that Levi was still awake, his eyes half-opened and slightly glazed over.

"Pardon?"

"How long was I outside?"

"Almost eight hours. Why?"

"That's...'m sorry, Erwin. For taking so long. You must've been worried." Levi's speech was slightly slurred from his fatigue, and his eyebrows had drawn together in a worried expression.

"It's OK, Levi. The only thing that matters is that you made it back safely. You're here now. Now go to sleep."

"M'kay...g'night. I love you, Erwin."

"I love you, too," Erwin murmured, and gently kissed the top of Levi's head, then his cheek, and finally gave him an eskimo kiss (which he knew Levi secretly adored).

Levi fell asleep almost immediately, but Erwin stayed awake a while longer, softly stroking the black wisps of Levi's hair.

Levi was safe, everything was going to be OK, and they were in each other's arms once more. Those comforting thoughts lulled Erwin to sleep, his fingers still buried in Levi's hair. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well it just seems fine and dandy now, don't it?  
> Comments, kudos, critiques and suggestions are always welcomed~  
> If you liked this you can check me out @ http://consensual-sexy-times.tumblr.com

**Author's Note:**

> if you liked this you can check me out @ http://consensual-sexy-times.tumblr.com/  
> Comments, kudos, critiques and suggestions are always welcomed~


End file.
